Forever Thankful

Creating a blog is something I've wanted to do for some time. Fear has held me back. Fear that I wouldn't be able to think of anything to write. Fear that once I did write, either no one would read it, or those who did read it would be bored. I suppose every writer faces this fear: what if no one wants to read what I write? There's a line from the Anna Nalick song "Breathe (2 AM)" that strikes me every time I hear it as so true for any kind of artist:

"And I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd
'Cause these words are my diary screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to."

There is a risk to baring your soul for others, and I'm not a big risk-taker. This is probably what led me to my career as a technical writer. It allowed me to earn a living as a writer without risking rejection of my writing. Once you have a job as a tech writer, they're going to publish what you write, and at least a few people will actually read it—whether they want to or not—so they can figure out how to use their new stuff! And I love my job. I have nearly 20 years of experience, just shy of 15 with my current employer. It's flexible and interesting and the pay's OK. Best of all, I get to work from home and be there for my three kids whenever they need me. AND I'm really good at it. The best of all worlds, really. Not leaving it anytime soon, that's for sure! But writing about computer servers, while interesting, does not satifsy any of my personal passions (despite my job, I am most certainly not a computer geek, nor do I aspire to be one) or allow me to voice my own opinions.

Now, I could certainly keep a diary or a journal and avoid the risk of rejection while still writing to my little heart's content about whatever I feel passionate or opionated about. But that just doesn't do it for me, either. Fear of rejection or not, at the heart of every writer is the need to be read by someone besides herself. And it's a new year, a time to start things fresh. So I'm going to try. Try to be more of a risk-taker (though you won't catch me jumping out of planes like my little brother anytime soon!), and try to be a blogger.

I got the idea for this blog from Facebook, of all places. Someone started a post sometime in October or so suggesting that I (we...everyone on FB) try to post something they are thankful for every day until Thanksgiving. The original post suggested that it would become more and more difficult as Thanksgiving got closer and we ran out of ideas. I theorized that, in fact, it would become easier as I became more mindful of all in my life that I have to be thankful for. For me, my theory absolutely turned out to be correct.

Every day of my life, I am given dozens of opportunities to be thankful. I, like so many others, often overlook those opportunities. Thanks to my lovely and brilliant 11-year-old daughter, I've spent the last year of my life trying to strengthen my relationship with God (the relationship has always been there; I just let it slide all too often when "life" gets in the way).

At the start of 2009, Ashley stated that her New Year's resolution was to start attending church every Sunday and requested help from my husband and me with fulfilling that resolution. This forced us out of a crossroads we'd been lazily parked at for several years. We certainly had every desire and intent to belong to a church and attend regularly. However, I was raised Catholic and had a lot of guilt about letting Catholicism go. But there just isn't a Catholic church that we're happy with close by. And the nearness of a lovely Methodist church that many of our children's friends attended was simply too hard to ignore. If friends go and are active, then our children would want to go and be active. That was one of the main characteristics we were looking for in a church, so, with Ashley's push, we made the jump and joined.

It was a brilliant move, and we've never looked back. I now sometimes wonder what took me so long to get over the whole Catholic thing, but I know in my heart that it just wasn't the right time before. NOW is the time, though, and many areas of my life have fallen into place since joining, including a sudden understanding of how to go about strengthening that relationship with God. (It's amazing how something that was so confusing before suddenly becomes clear when the time—God's time—is right.) And one of the goals in strengthening that relationship is remembering to thank Him for all that He has already done for me, rather than just regularly asking for more.

So, with a year of stengthening under my belt (and much work left to do), and a new year beckoning me to take on a new challenge, I start this blog. I won't promise to always stay on topic and write about thankfulness. I have many ideas for topics, and many of them don't revolve specifically around thankfulness. This is my blog, and I'm going to write about whatever I'm in the mood to write about when the mood strikes (which may or may not be regularly—I want this to remain a pleasure, not a chore). But there will be plenty of thankfulness involved, too, I promise.

Today I am thankful for those of you who read this, my first blog post. I hope you enjoyed it enough to come back for more, and maybe even to follow me. But if you didn't enjoy and don't come back, that's your choice, and it's a risk I'll have to take.