Feeding vs. Nourishing: An Observation

For several years now, I've been on a long, slow journey to get my body back in shape. Or maybe just "in shape" to begin with. I never worked out or was athletic in even the remotest sense of the word before. I was just naturally thin my whole life. Until I started having kids. And then I just kept losing most of the baby weight, but never all. After my last baby was born at the age of 35, I had to look in the mirror and wonder what the heck happened?

I have had a lot of stops and starts on my road to a body I can be happy with. Injuries, thyroid issues, and my own brain have been big factors in the effort to slow me down. Loved ones think they're helping, but they're really sabotaging. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to food. And my body itself is in an all-out war for control, from my thyroid at the top all the way to a 2-year-old foot injury at the bottom that refuses to fully heal and go away for good.

Having been naturally thin my whole life, I've never dieted before. I tried a few. Yeah, that will not work. I have no idea how people starve themselves to lose weight. It's impossible for me. If I feel hungry, I'm going to eat, and it's going to be the first crappy thing I can grab and shove in my face! So I did what I do when I have a problem in most other areas of my life--I grabbed a book and started educating myself. I read, and I read, and I read some more. I read about fitness, exercise, nutrition, physiology, metabolism, you name it. If it deals with how all the parts of the body function together as a whole, I've probably read it. It's possible I've earned a degree in exercise physiology and nutrition by now, but I never did any of my reading in affiliation with any university, so the world will never know. My body might not reflect it (yet), but I know what I'm doing in both the gym and the kitchen just as well as any personal trainer or chef.

What I've learned is that getting your body back has a lot more to do with what you eat than how much you exercise. Yes, you must exercise—this keeps all the parts working together properly, stokes your metabolism, and—for me at least—keeps me happy and sane. Some of it is genetics, and there's not one damn thing I can do about that but learn to love the body the good Lord gave me. But that doesn't mean I don't have to take care of it, too. The Lord gave me my children, and I love them with no effort whatsoever, but I also must take care of them. Just like Mom always said--when someone gives you a gift, it's your responsibility to take care of it. Regardless of what that gift is or who gave it to you. And a relatively healthy, functioning body that does everything from digest food properly to walk me from point A to point B (even if there are 10 miles between points A and B), and even creates human life in just 9 short months is certainly a gift that deserves to be well taken care of.

So rather than feeding my body a bunch of diet foods, I've been nourishing it with proper foods. I've started and stopped this a few times over the last two years or so (there is truly an addiction factor to overcome after years of putting processed garbage into your system), but since January of this year, I've gotten very serious about it. After all that reading, I knew what I needed to do. It was simply a matter of putting it into practice. If it has an ingredient list more than 5 or 6 items long, or if there was anything in the ingredient list I can't easily pronounce, it doesn't go into my body. I've worked hard to remove the idea that I should eat for pleasure from my brain (not that eating is no longer pleasurable; I just try not to think of it as a primary source of pleasure anymore) and replace it with the idea of eating for nourishment and fuel. I chart my macros and work toward about 40-50% of calories from protein on any given day, with another 30-40% of my calories coming from complex carbohydrates, and 20% from fats. (Disclaimer: don't try to just adopt this breakdown for yourself. This works for me because my goals are to burn fat and build muscle, and I workout very hard, lifting a lot of heavy weight at the gym, at least five days per week. If you're not doing the same, those ratios will not work for you!).

Anyway, eating this way is not nearly as complicated as it sounds. It basically means eating 3-4 oz. of lean protein (such as egg whites, chicken, or shrimp), plus a small handful of complex carbs (e.g., brown rice, whole wheat pasta or bread, and plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables), and a bit of healthy fat (such as avocado or olive oil) 5-6 times each day. Most of the time, it's actually easier than cooking a fancy meal. I've lost about 15 lbs. and 4% body fat so far this year. Not as much as I'd like, but I'm stronger, faster, and I have lower cholesterol and blood pressure than I did at the beginning of the year. And I've gotten my thyroid issues under control without the surgery my endocrinologist was certain I'd require this time last year. So it's well worth it.

Until this past weekend. I knew this would be a bad weekend, food- and exercise-wise. Friday was my birthday (I did start the day at the gym!), Saturday was Jason's 9th birthday party, and Sunday was Jason's actual birthday plus our church family cookout. I figured, "It's one weekend. How bad could it be?" And a look on the scale this morning reveals that it really wasn't terrible from that perspective. I ate healthy for the first 4 meals of the day on Friday, and then had pizza and margaritas for my birthday dinner (while cleaning the kitchen for the next day's party!). Saturday was party food for a late lunch/early dinner (read: one enormous mid-afternoon meal rather than 3 small meals during the same hours like I usually do). This includes cake, puffy orange Cheetos, and several beers. Sunday morning I fed the overnighters Shipley's donuts. As it's been over a year since I've eaten a donut, I convinced myself that I "deserved" one. By midway through church, I couldn't stop yawning, although I felt mildly wired. This was the first sign of trouble. Today, I had to force myself to eat my usual oatmeal and protein powder combination for breakfast (I really wanted a pancake with butter and syrup with my kids), and I was glad I had my daughter's school awards assembly because I didn't feel I could drag myself to the gym (those who know me and my gym schedule understand how shocking that is!).

Today I sit here alone in my house, working, with a big slab of leftover birthday cake calling to me from the kitchen every few minutes. I'm exhausted, unmotivated, and, well, really, really grouchy. Everything and everyone is pissing me off today. Yesterday was similar. I blamed it on being tired from having 9-year-old boys spend the night Saturday night, but the fact is, I got 6 hours of sleep Saturday night (as much as I get on many school nights), and I got a full 7.5 hours last night. Lack of sleep is not causing me to be tired. Or grouchy. Or unmotivated. Poor nutrition is. Yes, only 48 short hours of it!

I used to feel tired, grouchy, and unmotivated most of the time. I thought I was changing, growing up, becoming a better person, and that's why I felt and acted better. In fact, I was just nourishing my body rather than merely feeding it!! The sad part is, just three days of feeding myself garbage has been enough to make a portion of my brain want to just throw in the towel and go back to eating whatever I want—and skipping my beloved workouts! It's a pretty loud voice in there telling me that, too! The Sugar Monster has returned. I thought I had banished it for good, and I am shocked to find just how easily I slid right back into its grip! Now I must start the process of detoxing the garbage from my body again so that I will not be tempted anymore. During all the months I ate healthfully, I never once cared about cake, cookies, donuts, chips, or any of the other garbage I formerly ate with abandon. Three days, just four short meals, and all that hard work is out the window.

Back to the drawing board...and time to learn the lesson for good!